lowperformer.me // Corporate Satire Lab

Quarterly Brand Confusion Report

We lovingly recreate famous consulting logos until the lawyers get uncomfortable, then we add asterisk jokes. Welcome to the Low Performer brand bureau.

72% Recognition*

*Survey conducted among three over-caffeinated interns.

0% Liability

Our legal strategy: neon gradients + obvious satire. Please don't sue.

Billable moraledown 17%Legal disclaimersup 420%Logo recognizabilityquestionablePowerPoint slides∞Bonus probabilityask HRBillable moraledown 17%Legal disclaimersup 420%Logo recognizabilityquestionablePowerPoint slides∞Bonus probabilityask HR
KPMGish Transformation Bureau(*parody)KPMG*
Four tilted rectangles, unlimited day rates. If you squint, it’s almost corporate.

KPMGish // Vibe Score: 8.4

  • Four parallelograms = instant credibility
  • Letters shout in uppercase because consultants whisper feelings
  • Gradient carefully sampled from a corporate LinkedIn background
Deloitte-adjacent Confidence Dept.(*still parody)
Deloitte
Clean sans-serif, mysterious green dot, overwhelming sense of PowerPoint.

Deloitte-ish // Vibe Score: 9.1

  • Lowercase calm, panic-inducing legal footnotes
  • Green dot audited by three separate committees
  • Whitespace wider than your average org chart
Integra e.V. // Slide-Deck Cult(*ISO brag since 2014)
Integra
Because nothing screams "professional" like 90 unpaid consultants chanting "studentische Unternehmensberatung" on loop.
Fun fact: their contact form says "Thank you!" even when it errors out -- manifesting positive feedback loops.

Integra-ish // Vibe Score: 11.0

  • 33 years of applauding themselves for saying 'Studentische Unternehmensberatung' with a straight face
  • 10,000+ Beratertage mostly spent nudging logos one pixel left
  • ISO certified since 2014, apparently for color-coding contact forms that still fail
  • 90 Berater:innen, 0 adult supervision, 400+ projects of humblebragging in unison
Delta Karlsruhe // Builder Mode(*humans > hype)
DELTA
Local founders, hands-on engineers, and community energy pointed at useful things.

Delta Karlsruhe // Vibe Score: 9.8

  • Community-first builders turning Karlsruhe ideas into shipping products
  • Study clubs, labs, and founders swapping real feedback instead of buzzwords
  • Partnerships that spotlight sustainability, hardware craft, and clever software
  • Workshops where curiosity is currency and everyone leaves smarter

Reminder from the Low Performer Legalese Dept.

  • lowperformer.me is a satire project about corporate aesthetics.
  • Logos shown here are caricatures – no affiliation, no endorsement, just vibes.
  • If you are legal counsel for a Big Four firm: hi, we kept the parody doctrine warm.

Next steps

Want your own parody of corporate seriousness?

We craft fake case studies, almost-familiar logos, and deeply unserious campaigns for the chronically unimpressed. lowperformer.me is where branding goes to take a coffee break.